Parenting Difficult Children: Why You're Stuck and What Really Works
Are you struggling with your child's signs of autism, ADD
or ADHD (attention deficit disorder), ODD (oppositional
defiant disorder), bipolar, Aspergers, and PDD-NOS
(Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise
Specified)?
You and your child are probably frustrated because so many
things haven't worked.
You're likely worried about your child's future, and yours.
If your child is very angry and defiant and is constantly
challenging your every word, you're exhausted and hurt,
perhaps even angry, because parenting shouldn't be so hard.
Here's the good news: Although your child behavior problems
may seem complicated, the solutions are quite simple.
Here's Why You're Stuck:
Built into your child's condition is a parent-child
relationship destroyer that you can't stop until you
understand your child's condition completely. Not what the
books say. Not what the case studies show.
But what having this condition really means to your child.
How he or she interprets everything you do and say. That's
entirely different than what you intend.
That explains the disconnect between your loving intentions
and your child's willingness to cooperate. And the
underlying reason is as astonishing as the solution.
There's no way that you would ever guess it. So you can
forgive yourself, right now. It isn't your fault.
Now that you know why you're stuck, let's talk about what
works.
1. Understanding what your child really needs so that you
can provide it. Children with ADHD, ODD, Aspergers, and
PDD-NOS and autism are easily emotionally overwhelmed.
Therefore, it is important to remain even tempered,
especially if your child is not.
You need to fulfill your child's special needs, including
his need for a visual reward system, his need to learn
proper emotional expression, and his need for values and
skills training.
2. Adopting new ways of talking and acting that your child
understands and respects. Your child has a short attention
span. So you need to learn how to talk in six-second bits.
Long talking bores him and causes him to feel disrespected.
You also need to learn new gestures to replace those
innocent gestures you probably use all day long that
inflame angry children.
3. Using simple tools that regain your child's cooperation
and restore order in your home. These tools help you
motivate your child to improve his behavior and win your
praise and attention.
The most important tool is a visual reward system, also
called a behavior chart or star chart. Without it, you're
stuck with begging, bribing, and threatening—they
don't work. The secret here is to find a reward system that
is easy to use.
4. Preparing your child with values and skills with which
to succeed at home and school, and make friends. He cannot
learn these values and skills by observing others. His
short attention span won't allow it.
He needs you to teach him basic values, including honesty,
charity, and responsibility. Then he will be ready to learn
simple value-based skills, for example, telling the truth,
sharing, and how to take care of himself and his
belongings. He also needs to learn social skills, for
example, introducing himself and talking on the phone.
Without social skills training, your child will lack the
ability to develop lasting and meaningful relationships.
You Can Solve This
It sounds easy and it is, with the right guide. It is a lot
easier and less frustrating than repeatedly trying,
struggling, and failing. I invite you to use these tips to
build your relationship with your child, and reconnect with
happier family times.
----------------------------------------------------
If you want to calm your challenging child, I invite you to
claim your free child behavior-improving report "Three Easy
Ways to Improve Your Child's Behavior Today!" You can
download part one when you subscribe at
http://www.AdhdParentingTips.com It explains the methods I
used to improve my son's ADHD/ODD behavior by 72% in 3
weeks. The sooner you start this, the easier it is to help
your child. You can do this.
From Debra Sale Wendler - Respect Effect Mom and ADHD
Parenting Success at http://www.AdhdParentingSuccess.com
