Parenting Angry Children - Seven Easy Ways to Transform from Reactive
to Respected Parent
Children with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity
disorder), ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), bipolar,
autism, Asperger's syndrome, and PDD-NOS (Pervasive
Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified), can be
very difficult. If your child has one of these conditions,
he may try to push your buttons so you lose control and he
wins. The only way out of this gridlock is to develop some
refusal tactics of your own.
Adopt these winning tactics that soothe your child and
elevate your parenting style:
1. Refuse to argue. Your child's first line of defense (and
distraction from the real issue at hand) is to start an
argument. Counter his defensive tactic with your calm
logic.
For example, if you child doesn't want to do the dishes, he
may say, "I didn't eat any of that stupid dinner so I'm not
doing the stupid dishes." You can say, "I hear you. The
chore chart shows clearly that you wash dinner dishes this
week. Please start now." If you weaken and argue, he wins.
2. Refuse to cater, coddle, or pamper your child when he is
disagreeable. Otherwise he'll think, "I must be the prince,
and you must be the doormat. Why else would you cater to me
when I treat you lower than the rattlesnake's belly?"
Your child's second line of defense may be to throw a
tantrum or act out.
This is a control tactic plain and simple. Your child can
control this. Counter his defensive tactic by withdrawing
your attention. Calmly clear other children, pets, and
breakables from his tantrum area, and move to another room.
Without attention, he will get bored quickly with his
tantrum.
3. Refuse to get emotionally overwhelmed. If you get
overwhelmed, say "I need five minutes to decide what to do
with you." Calm down and return in exactly five minutes.
That's modeling self-control. (And you win.)
4. Refuse to raise your voice. If he's out of control, try
whispering. If he unnerves you enough that you raise your
voice, he wins again.
5. Refuse to beg, bribe, or nag. Or your child will think
you're weak, and he wins. Praise him when you catch him
being good. And give him a chance to win by improving his
behavior.
6. Refuse to hit, spank, or threaten. You already know
that these methods do not work. Your child sees your
attempt to use these methods as weakness (and he wins
again).
You need to motivate your child to improve his behavior and
win your praise and attention.
You can remote control your child's behavior with a token
system, also called a behavior chart.
The secret is to find one that is easy to use. Some are too
complicated.
7. Refuse to hold grudges or gripe about the past. It's
impossible to change the past, so it's unfair for you to
harp on it. If you do, your child is entitled to have a
tantrum. (And he wins.)
All you have is the present. What you do right now builds
your future, and your child's, so make it count.
You Can Solve This.
Your calmer cooler response will be so surprising that your
child will admire and respect your patience and strength of
character. Then and only then will he trust you enough to
learn from you. You both win.
I invite you to use these methods to transform quickly from
reactive parent to surprisingly calm cool and collected
parent worthy of attention and respect.
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If you want to calm your challenging child, I invite you to
claim your free child behavior-improving report "Three Easy
Ways to Improve Your Child's Behavior Today!" You can
download part one when you subscribe at
http://www.AdhdParentingTips.com It explains the methods I
used to improve my son's ADHD/ODD behavior by 72% in 3
weeks. The sooner you start this, the easier it is to help
your child. You can do this.
From Debra Sale Wendler - Respect Effect Mom and ADHD
Parenting Success at http://www.AdhdParentingSuccess.com
